wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need a burrito and a hug.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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