I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
