She is in my trunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
