guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
