just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
