At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
zippers are such a cool invention
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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