It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
