Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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