Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
