You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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