Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
