I molested 6 butterflies tonight
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
