Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
