After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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