Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
cat food counts as protein by the way
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
