Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
