And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
