Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
