We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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