thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
