Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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