dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
