Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
