I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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