Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
