your parents love me but you hate me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
