yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
