yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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