ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
