I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
