I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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