Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
