All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
