sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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