it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
