capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
