it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
