I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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