Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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