No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
