We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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