I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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