I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
