i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
