He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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