you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
