you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
