Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
