I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
