i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
