I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
