8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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