So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When did angry sex become our thing?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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