The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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