How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
