I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
