I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My life is pants optional.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
