I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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