Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You made out with two different species that night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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