wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
