Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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