I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
