My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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