Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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