You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
