I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
