it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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