my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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