she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
